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About Literature / Hobbyist Walt WestMale/United Kingdom Recent Activity
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Batman carried his paper bag to the park. He looked around but didn't find what he was looking for. "I'm the World's Greatest Detective but I can't see him. Did he forget today was Max and Relax Monday?"

"I didn't forget anything, brother." Hulk Hogan said as he neared with his own paper bag.

"So, you brought just as many as I did. Come into some money?" Batman asked.

"I've always played the lotto, jack. It finally paid off. The Hulkster now has an extra $250 million to spend. I'm thinking of starring in another movie and I just got the cash money for the budget."

"You know that I could afford to star in a whole franchise of movies if I wasn't already spending my bullion on being the Dark Knight."

Hogan sensed jealousy in the voice of Batman's voice. "Well, no one wants to see a guy in a Batman costume wearing another costume on top of that. The people need to see a face or they won't know to connect with the character. That's why in my movie I won't  wear anything concealing my face. Even for the scenes in space, brother."

Batman felt threatened. "Let's not get into an argument. I'm feeling threatened. Let's just eat these hot dogs."

"Good idea, dude."

The two heroes emptied their bags of hot dogs and began to chow down.

"Hey you guys!" A voice cried out.

They looked to see Superman approaching with a man in a pointy hat and robe.

"Superman, what brings you to the park today?" Batman asked.

"Well, I'll tell you what Batman. I just made a new friend. His name is Dennis the Magical Wizard." Superman gestured to the his friend.

Hogan and Batman exchanged pleasantries with Dennis.

"So, you fellers gonna eat alla them hot dogs or can we help you out?" Superman asked.

Hogan pulled his hot dogs out of reach of the newcomers. "Lemme tell you something, brother. I knew exactly how many hot dogs I was buying when I bought them. I know how many I can eat and I know that I'm sick of paying for other people's basic needs. Get your own hot dogs and then we can talk!"

Superman looked at Batman while fighting back tears. Batman remained stone-faced and
nodded in agreement.

Dennis said "But I only want one."

Hogan replied "Then go buy one, jack! Just because I have something you want doesn't mean I have to give it to you. How do you think I maintain this physique? It's not by cutting a hot dog out of my diet! I need protein and calories and I need them five minutes ago!"

Dennis punched the air in frustration. "Well, fine! Be that way!" Dennis teleported away.

Superman stared at his feet. He weakly reached out to Batman's food supply. Batman silently shook his head. Superman slinked off with his head down.

"I don't like being this way, but he has enough money to buy his own food." Batman said.
They continued to eat. Dennis the Wizard was watching them from behind a tree.

"They don't care about anyone but themselves. I'll show them what's what."

Dennis teleported back.

Batman asked "Did you BYOHD?"

"No, I came to tell you that you owe me a hot dog and you should yield to my every request because I'm an ancient wizard that's much older than you and if it weren't for me you would still be stewing in your soiled undergarments."
Hogan pointed his finger at Dennis and shouted "Don't make me Hulk Out on you, brother!"
"That's the last straw!" Dennis shouted. He blasted them with lightning. "Lightning bolt! Lightning bolt!"

The Hulkster and Batman writhed on the ground. Hogan gasped "We're in deep, brother! What are we gonna do? I've been hit by chairs before, but never lightning."
Batman stood and helped Hogan up. "We do this!" Batman hit Dennis between the eyes with a Batarang. Hogan and Batman ran while Dennis was stunned. They turned a corner and Batman said "In here!". He pulled Hogan into a Magic Supply Store.

"Fight magic with magic. Good idea!"

"I have a plan for everything, even electric wizards." Batman replied.
Batman pulled out his Bat Credit Card and bought two cans of Lightning Magic D-fense. The wizard caught up to them as they were spraying on the repellent.  He zapped them with lightning to no avail.

"Whatcha gonna do, brother?!" Hogan taunted. He grabbed Dennis and bounced him off the ropes. As he returned to Hogan he was met with a Big Boot to the face. He fell to the ground and the Hulkster leg dropped him. Hulk Hogan and Batman began to celebrate their victory. Dennis scrambled through his magic pouch and found that he only had one fire spell left.

"It comes down to this." Dennis set the two heroes on fire. Batman's suit was fireproof and he was foyne.

"Help me!" Hogan was flailing, trying to put out the flames.

"Stop, drop and roll!" Batman shouted.

Hogan did as he said and extinguished the fire. "How did you know to do that?" He asked Batman.

"That is one of the plan's I have. Because I plan for everything."

Meanwhile, Dennis fumbled through his pouch and found no ice or water spells. "If I can't beat them with lightning and fire, I'll have to make them beat each other!" He pulled out his Handbook of Practical Magic, Revised Fourth Addition and chanted "Ooloo Ba Ba turn Hulk Hogan into a Ba Ba Bad Man!"

Hogan immediately turned evil. He grew black stubble and his yellow and red clothes turned black and white.

"Good thing I planned for this." Batman said.

Hollywood Hulk Hogan body slammed  Batman. He tried a leg drop, but Batman had a plan for that and he rolled out of the way. Batman got up and hit Hollywood with three Batarangs, stunning him. Batman rushed him, but Hogan hit him with a Big Boot.

"I should have known! There is no plan that can stop Twenty Four Inch Pythons! I'll have to try to stalemate this fight."

Hogan and Batman brawled toward the local arena. Batman intended  to do this because he has a plan for everything. Dennis laughed at them and decided to follow. There was a local wrestling show in the arena and Batman and Hogan tumbled inside. The crowd saw them fighting and began to cheer for Hogan.

Batman kicked Hollywood Hogan in the stomach and used the opportunity to put him in a headlock.

Batman pleaded with him "Listen to the fans. They are Hulkamaniacs, don't let a wizard take the Hulkamania away!"

Hogan began to scream "I have to fight this! I have to take my vitamins!"
Instantly, he reverted to his normal self.

Dennis was stunned "I am stunned! How could this happen?"

"I fear no man, no beast or evil, brother!" Hogan replied.

Batman slammed Dennis on the ground. "You didn't plan for everything Dennis. If you did, you would've known that there is no magic strong enough to stop Hulkamania."
Hogan leg dropped Dennis so hard that he was transported back to the realm of wizards.

Batman and Hulk Hogan celebrated with the crowd and unknowingly buried the local wrestlers.

"Let's go finish off those hot dogs." Batman said.
They returned to the park and found Superman waiting.

"You don't think you're getting our dogs do you?" Batman asked while reaching for his Kryptonite because he plans for everything.

"No. I took what you said to heart and I am young enough to not demand special treatment from people because of my age. I brought my own food."

Superman pulled out his hot dogs...and some burgers.

"Hey, brother! No one said anything about burgers!" Hogan said.

Superman waggled his finger "You don't think you're getting my burgers do you?"

The three heroes laughed together.

Da Batmayne was making his final perpetrations for his Fourth of July Bash. "Yo, Alfred didja send out da invitations? Didja put up the decorations? Didja check da whether for condensation?"

"Yeah. I did those thangs."

"That's gewd. I want to impress alla my super friends. This Bash gonna be off the chain; it's gonna be a ball!"

Da Batmayne danced with his invisible dance partner. He stopped when he realised that Alfred was still right thurr.

Batmayne retorted "So, uh, who you bringing to my bash? I hope you weren't too bashful round tha ladeez, Al-Fred."

Alfred retorted "I keep my private life private and that's that!"

Batmayne lmao'd and lol'd and rofl'd. He retorted "Alfred got a secret gurlfriend! You think I'm gonna steel her from ya? I wouldn't put it past me! Hyuk hyuk hyuk!"

Alfred retorted "I wouldn't put it past you either, philanderer."

Alfred's words that he said cut Batmayne to tha bone.

"I gotta go." Batmayne retorted.

Da Batmayne went into Wayne Cribb and cried, but not in a wimpy way, it was more like the type of crying when you drop a burrito on the floor. His bawling was cut short by a ring at the door. Batmayne opened it up and who did he see? Tha Mayne of Steal of course.

"Sup, Batmayne. Why you were crying?" Supermayne retorted.

"Aflred...he don't trust a Batmayne."

"That's turrible...About like last year's Fourth of July Bash.  You're not inviting Matter Eater Lad again are you?"

Batmayne retorted "Naw, if you eat up my chairs and tables you ain't coming back. Not even for my Valentine's Day Singles Bash."

"So where do I put this Super Tater Salad?"

Back on the lawn, Alfred finished talking to his gurl on his tellular celephone. He felt bad about what he said to tha Batmayne, but tha Batmayne had said some hurtin' words too.

The Flash ran up to Alfred.


Alfred took the pickles and slammed them on the ground. Or at least, he tried to.

The Flash grabbed them and retorted "What'sthedealmayne? ItwasjustaninnocentjarofsweetdeliciouspickleshandpickedfromthegrocerystorebymeTheFlash!"

"Batmayne loves pickles, but I'm cross with him, so no pickles will be had today. Also, I hate how fast you talk, sound like a fast forward."

"" tha Flash retorted.

"I'm sorry Flash."

"Don't worry about it. I'm past it, I just want to know how I can heal this gaping, bleeding, festering wound between you and da Batmayne."

Wonder Woman was at the table looking for hot dogs. They were all gone.

"Hey where are the dawgs?" She retorted.

Da Batmayne and Supermayne had walked outside and they heard her intriguing question.

"Alfred, you old punk..." Batmayne retorted quietly to his own self.

"Alfred! You better stop all this! You hurt me with your words and now you hurt me with your Easter Egg hiding skills, that you apparently modified to hide hawt dawgs!"

"Your words also hurt Batmayne. You accuse me of thangs that I ain't do." Alfred retorted.

The Flash got an idea. "Supermayne! Wonder Woman! come to me!"

They huddled and Flash asked where Green Lantern was.

"He sleeps all day. He won't be here until the fireworks." Supermayne retorted.

The Flash ran as fast as he could to Hal Jordan's run down motel room (where he stays when he visits his second, secret family).

"Wake up! I need your help!"

Hal rolled out of bed and put on his Green Lantern uniform. The Flash explained what the
problem was as they travelled to the Bash.

They arrived to see Batmayne and Alfred arguing.

The Flash retorted " Now!"

Supermayne grasped Alfred and Wonder Woman grabbed Batmayne. They threw the two at each other. Green Lantern used his ring to form a ball around them.

The Flash said "You are gonna stay in there until you resolve this."

Batmayne and Alfred turned away from each other. Eventually they gave up and began to sort out their differences.

"Alfred, I was just joking about stealing your gurl. You called me a philanderer and that hurt me."

"I'm sorry Batmayne, but you kept prying me for information. I wish you would respect my wishes."

Tha emotion was too strong for them in unison they said "I'm sorry mayne, show me love."
The Caped Crusader and his right hand mayne hugged it out.

Batmayne wiped a tear from his eye "We're good, you let us out now."

Green Lantern released them and the Flash patted Alfred on the back.

Wonder Woman pushed her way through the crowd and said "So do we have hot dogs or not?!"

Alfred said "It wasn't me, so who was it?"

"It was me!" The Joker laughed.

"I've been starving for two hours!" Wonder Woman shouted. She kicked the Joker all the way back to Arkham Asylum.

"So now what do we eat?" Supermayne asked.

A food truck rolled onto the lawn. The window opened.

"Zod's Hot Dogs! Get a hot dog, get six!"

The crowd cheered and lined up to buy summa dem hawt dawgs.

Later as the sky turned dark Batmayne pulled the Flash aside.

"I'm about to build a special rocket to shoot off. I need you to make sure Alfred is looking."

Alfred was chatting with General Zod about hot dog cooking techniques when the Flash ran up to him and tapped him on the shoulder.

"What is it?"

Flash pointed upward and the rocket exploded with a message that said "Alfred you basically my Daddeh"

Alfred's eyes teared up. He sniffled "Who's cutting onions?"

"Oh that's me." Zod said as he threw away his onions.

Alfred stopped crying and said "Oh."

Well, life has gotten in the way.

I've not written many tales lately because of all the cereal that I had to stack on my keyboard. I've finally eaten it all and the keys have never felt crisper. Probably the crumbs.

Anyway, I'm working on my tale that will span over ten or so chapters. I've only submitted my first one so far, but it's a real nail biter, so much so that I've had to start chewing on my toenails.

When I went down there to manducate I realized how much I missed that cereal. That means that I might have to buy more, which would delay the release of the second chapter of this riveting adventure. It could be a day or it could be years. Depends on the shelf life.

Yours truthfully,

Walt West
  • Listening to: The rain dropping on my quaint, humble home
  • Reading: The latest news on Brangelina
  • Watching: Time as it flees us so swiftly
  • Playing: With the heart of a temptress
  • Eating: Toenails
  • Drinking: Pepto-Bismol


Walt West
Artist | Hobbyist | Literature
United Kingdom
I am a writer of epic tales.

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BlotchComics Featured By Owner Aug 12, 2015  Professional Digital Artist
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Thanks for the fave!
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:wave: Thanks for faving

Broken Wall by leothefox  
waltwest Featured By Owner Apr 15, 2015  Hobbyist Writer
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